Tags
lies, men, new blog, relationships, sex, single life, stupid people, women
Lying. Such an ugly word, I know. Sometimes it’s necessary. Like telling your kids about Santa or the Tooth Fairy. Or telling your 8-1/2 month pregnant spouse that she’s “glowing” and “definitely doesn’t look fat”. Or telling that cop you totally didn’t realize your tail light was out. These teeny white lies are A-O.K. in my book.
My pet peeve, however, stems from far greater “white lies”. The other day a friend of a friend was asked, “If you had a dollar for every woman you’ve slept with, what could you buy?” His reply? “A new car off the lot and I’m not talking about a Kia.” CHILD PLEASEEEE.
This over the top ridiculously blatant lie rubbed me so wrong that I HAD to call him out on his BS. He wasn’t so happy I did, but, oh yea, I don’t care =).
Luckily for ya’ll, it also inspired me to compile a list of the top 5 most annoying types of liars (in no particular order):
1. The Ballers: These are the guys using their rent money to buy bottles at the club. These are the guys borrowing mommy’s Lexus and telling girls it’s theirs. These are the guys who are lying about how much money they make and making it KNOWN you know they’re spending on you. With the exception of rappers, guys who are actually loaded don’t flaunt it.
2. The Ladies’ Men: This type of liar brags about their sexual prowess. Their alleged ability to make you go 0 to 60 with just one touch. These are the guys who claim to have slept with every pretty girl ever and their boyfriends were O.K. with it because how could they possibly compete with such a fine male specimen. Men who brag on their dick are THE worst ones in the sack.
3. The Over Achievers: These are the men who claim to have achieved impossible feats: Mt. Everest, highest GPA in the USA, single-handedly fighting off an entire gang, sky diving with the President, all without ever breaking a sweat. Yea, ok, guy.
4. The Uber Romantics: These are the ones that supposedly worship the ground you walk on without knowing a thing about you. You’re the prettiest, smartest, funniest woman in the world to them but you haven’t said more than 3 words. Except before you got there they’ve told 3 other women the same thing. They stalk anything with a vagina and their Facebook inbox/Twitter DM’s are cluttered with thirsty ass “hey, beautiful” messages to every girl they’re not blood relatives with. And those romantic cliches, they’ve got them memorized. *dry heave*
5. The Unfortunate Fathers: These are a special kind of scum. These guys are driving around blowing all their money trying to keep up with the Jones instead of on Huggies & Similac. They’re off chasing skirts instead of playing catch or helping with homework. These guys never discuss their kids except to give you a sob story about their ex being “so awful”, and “not letting them” see their child. God forbid you accidentally end up knocked up by one of these, trust that they’ll pull the same shit with you and tell the next chick the same sob story for some pity sex.
Ladies: Take note, and don’t be so naive for the love of [fill in something lovable]!!!
Fellas: If any of these sound like you, stop it, immediately. You’re just making a total ass of yourself.
Keep it real, ya’ll.
You’re welcome in advance.
– D.A.